How becoming a foster parent has changed my life

I'm single, 30 and have been living by myself. I've owned a home, solely, for 6 and a half years. I've had crushes and dated, but no boyfriends. So you might be wondering what it is like to go from a carefree, quiet life to becoming the foster parent of a 17 year old over night? I know I wondered this [not exact] question all the time when I was waiting for a call to take a child. What would it be like? How will I adjust to life as a parent? Can I give up my social life for this? Will I lose all my me-time? Will my life completely change?

That said, I thought I'd take a post and address these questions. So I've come up with a list of how my life has been impacted [big and little] since becoming a foster parent of a teen:

• I have become a taxi driver, but I am ok with it. Why, you ask? Because I know that as soon as she gets her license and a car, we won't have this time to talk one-on-one during the drives. But she has a lot of friends. A lot. And they live all over the county. Some it takes more than 30 mins to get to. I never know when she'll need picked up until she calls me. I sort of have to drop everything. But like I said, once she has a car...I may never see her.

• Related to the change above, I'm filling up my gas tank much more. Instead of every 6 or so days, it's every 4 days. Interestingly though, I'm getting better gas milage. lol.

• Picking her up at school 3 nights a week [usually late b/c her classes go all day] and taking her to and from friends' houses, I've given up my evenings. Again, I am perfectly fine with this. Why? It's not about me anymore.

• That said, I don't visit my girls at X RTC as often. Instead of every other week, it's about once a month. I usually go on the day she has classes really late.

• I don't get to hang out with my family as often.

• I had good reason to get myself the macbook I always wanted...hehe. She needed a printer, and I got one free with a macbook, so.... It is nice to have because my imac is out in the open but now I can type up my blogs in the comfort of my bed!

• I have to go to the grocery store, a lot, and actually get food. I can't eat out like I used to. I try to make meals. Although it is hard to coordinate when we will both be home with our late-night classes.

• Speaking of groceries... she eats a lot. And not the kind of stuff I eat. If I did, I'd gain 100 pounds. So usually I am buying food that is not for me.

• I get to shop. Be it groceries or clothes or necessities or little surprises. I love to shop. It doesn't have to be for me...so I get to shop for her now, and I enjoy it.

• I have lost complete control of the tv and DVR schedule. I am watching shows I never thought I'd watch.

• I'm constantly running the dishwasher.

• No change in how often laundry is done because she does her own, thank goodness.

• I have a VERY messy room in my house. A room that used to be pristine. How do I deal with it? Keep the door shut. It's her space now, it's no longer my extra room or storage space [gosh how I miss the little hiding spots in that room that I could store random things, lol. But it had to go to the basement to make room for her stuff]. It is her space and I respect that. If she wants it messy, she has to sleep in it.

• Lots of sleepovers and guests. There is always someone new to meet.

• I have to plan. I can't willy nilly pick up and go. However, her plans constantly change....from minute to minute. Therefore, it is hard to plan, but I manage.

• I also have to make decisions, big decisions, on the spot. Like when I'm in the middle of class and she texts me and asks if she can have a boy over when I'm not there.

• Allowing Jade to drive my "new" car. At least she has been on a permit for quite some time, but it is still scary as crap. LOL.

• Taking off work for court, doctor's appointments, family meetings etc. It's not as much as I thought it would be, but it's an added stress, especially when I have little notice.

• Bedtimes aren't an issue for me. We both like to stay up late and sleep in. As long as she is quiet [she usually is], she can stay up late. And if she stays up late on a school night, she has to deal with getting up early anyway and being tired all day. It doesn't affect me, so it's fine.

• Lights. Constantly. On. I'm always going behind her and turning them off. Prior to Jade coming to live with me, I was obsessed about not leaving my lights on. My electricity bill is high enough as it is. But guess what? All those lights left on made virtually no difference on my electricity bill. I was really surprised. I will be cringing less now when a light is glowing and no one is in the room.

• Water bill will surely be going up. The girl loves long showers!

• Contrary to popular belief about foster parents, I've not had any "financial gains," in fact, I'm a bit broke. By the time you see your first check from DSS, it has been long spent. And not on me, on Jade. You really have to have money in the bank to do this. There are definitely added expenses to having a child in your home. While I don't have to pay for daycare, soon I will probably be helping with her car insurance and other new necessities as she becomes more independent. I also give her a decent allowance. At least I think it is decent after talking to other parents of teens. She doesn't really have any chores, I only ask her to vacuum once in a while. I figure I'm getting money to take care of her, she should be getting some of it. I also plan to put some in the bank so she'll have some money when she leaves.

• I still get naps! One of the benefits of fostering a teen, lol. I sneak them in here and there.

• I have someone to take care of, and I like it. It's given me new purpose. I've learned to share and not be as selfish with my stuff or my time.

Despite anything I've given up, I am so happy I chose to keep Jade in my home. It is hard to make a quick decision when you get a random phone call asking you to take in foster child. You don't know when that call is going to happen and you don't know where [the call for Jade came on a Friday afternoon while I was at work]. You don't have many details on the child to go off of, if any at all. It comes down to a few seconds to say yes or no to a decision that will change everything. I'm glad I said "yes." :)

Any questions? I'm happy to answer any questions about fostering in general/fostering teens. I'm sure there are things I didn't touch on in this list, although this list got quite lengthy!