Things are going well here, just busy busy. Jade has started her classes and has quite a schedule. She got all grants/vouchers she applied for. She also got the funding to pay for her school and books as well as a new laptop. I'm not sure how the grant she received works, but I'm hoping she can use the money towards a car. Jade scheduled her classes so they are together and only on a few days, rather than spread out throughout the week. This is awesome for transportation, but makes for long days for her. She scheduled her driver's ed make up classes, but they aren't for another month. She couldn't get her license until then, even if she wanted to. DSS is paying for a taxi to take her back and forth for the next two weeks. After that, not sure how I'm going to do it, but I'll figure something out. Before the hearing in two weeks, we have a family meeting scheduled to try to work through things. I'm interested to see how things go.
Jade plans to get a job but she wants to wait until the next hearing to see if she has to go back with one of her parents. She doesn't want to go with either parent and at the moment, no other family members are options. She's tired of being shuffled around. She doesn't want to get comfortable/settled and then have to uproot again.
I am so broke right now. STILL waiting on the other half of my respite payment for Joshua and David from May and waiting on the entire respite payment for Maddy and Kaylee from July. Hopefully I'll get reimbursement for some of the things I got for Jade, but I'm getting a lot of "maybes" from DSS. Teenagers aren't cheap! Especially those in college. Supposedly I'll get reimbursed for some of these things. I'm also told there is a possibility that they'll help with car insurance, only a little portion, they'll "get back to me." It wouldn't all be such a big deal except that who knows when the first payment will come. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm just saying that fostering isn't cheap. Especially since you have to spend a lot of money upfront, way before I'll ever see a check. I'm just glad I had the check for my class in my hand. I've been living off of that. However, I need that money to pay the credit card that I used to pay for the class. I'm really juggling things right now.
I met a friend for lunch recently. This is a good friend that I've spent a lot of time with. She knows about my passion, my volunteer work and that I am a foster parent. She knows I've done respite. However, she was totally unsupportive about me taking in Jade. She questioned every decision and wondered "why she just didn't go away to college." I'm like, "um, money." Then she said, "couldn't DSS pay for it and have her stay on campus instead of living with you." Then I started getting annoyed. What is my friend getting at? I told her, "I don't know all the guidelines regarding teens, but she came into care b/c she wanted someone to care for her. She didn't come into care to be sent out on her own again." Her response, "well, that's what college kids do." Maybe "college kids" do that, but she's 17, she's not 18. She's been on her own for a while. She WANTS to live with a family. I was taken aback by this friend's comments and continued questioning. Why can't she just support me? It's my life, my choice what I want to do with it. This friend has always questioned my devotion to volunteering and sponsoring kids. She was suspicious when I looked into fostering. She can't comprehend why someone would want to give their time and or money for someone else. She just doesn't get it. It was frustrating. I just want support right now. I may not have a newborn, but I'm new at this and teens have their own challenges. I'm enjoying parenting Jade. I like my new purpose. So many people don't get why someone wants to help others. I don't get why there are people out there who are so selfish and have never given an hour of their time to help others. It irks me. It's like the response to what I'm doing is either "you are a saint!" or "you are a weirdo." I'm finding little in between. I don't think I'm either. I'm just someone who wants to help. The Bible has taught me to help others in need, and that is what I am doing.
Anyway, lots to think of and sort through right now. All my effort right now is going towards keeping Jade on the right path and advocating for her.
Monday, September 6, 2010
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4 comments:
It's extremely difficult to find friends who "get it" - I mostly have to go online. Hanging out with people who don't "get it" can be extremely stressful. You don't want to dump your old friends, but at the same time, be sure you get lots of what you need from those who "get it" to balance the drain of those who don't.
Mary in TX
Great advice Mary, thank you. As long as I can make it, I plan to continue to attend our FPA meetings. I always find support there. And of course my blog is a big help. It's nice to have a place to write your true thoughts and feelings down.
That sucks that your friend doesn't get it. I woudl argue that maybe a kid tha thas lived in a loving supportive home is ready to go off on their own for college, but a kid that has not had that, may not have the same emotional development and may need support and guidance for a bit longer. Plus, everyone is different, and needs more or less time, emotional support and guidance, why judge a 17 year old that is actually wanting a parent figure to help them as they become an adult? Really? I find it odd that this friend doesn't get it. It seems pretty obvious to me why you want to volunteer and be a foster parent. I understand why people don't want to, it is hard to give up your time and resources, but I completely understand why you want to do it, and why you feel it is needed. Then again, I want to adopt from foster care in spite of being able to conceive, and neither my family or my wife's family can understand why we would adopt if we are able to have children and in fact have a great biological daughter we adore and want her to have siblings. Oh well. Good luck. I hear you. Sometimes you just want that support and someone to listen. Good luck. I do think it is admirable.
Melissa in Durham
Thanks for your feedback and support, Melissa! I will be spending some time with this friend next weekend, and I am curious to see how it goes. If she keeps trying to make me feel like crap about becoming a foster parent, I'm gonna have to say something. She has no idea what she is talking about and I'll be happy to tell her that. ;)
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