The not-so-good and the good stuff!

Oh, how I miss my bloggie friends...but it has been crazy. Christmas came waaay too fast. I really wanted to enjoy the season, but instead I've been tired and stressed. Guess that means I'm really a parent? lol. Anyway, I've been trying to breathe and take in the good stuff, too. [Note: if you are on my private blog list, check out my new post there for a tad more detail.]

As for the "not-so-good" stuff.... Jade has a ridiculous amount of doctor appointments, including ones that repeat weekly, and I feel like all I do lately is rush her here and there. When I say ridiculous, I mean it. I'm running out of fingers to count all the different doctors on. And so much for DSS's promise of "we'll provide transportation to medical appointments." They can't just send her in a taxi because 90% of these appointments require a "guardian" present since she is under 18 [but soooo close to 18!]. Because of this, I've had to take at least 3 days off work [where I shove as many appointments as I can in] and several half days. Jade's mother was supposed to help now and then, but she is so unreliable. If Jade had a car, things would be so much easier. Now that she has all these appointments, I'm over the "I'll miss our one-on-one time." LOL. I'm ready for her to gain some independence and learn how much gas it takes to drive back and forth to all her friends' houses!

Jade has been not-so-good at budgeting her time, too...but getting better. If I am not part of the plan in getting her somewhere [aka, a taxi or a friend picking her up], she magically gets up and out the door in time—all by herself. However, if I'm taking her somewhere, I have to make numerous attempts to get her up and she dilly dallies so much that we are almost always late. I was a teen once, so I get it...but at the same time, I don't. As you know, I've left her home before when I couldn't get her up, and the other day, I almost left her again. I've been giving her deadlines like, be ready to jump in the car when I get home at 6. Eventually she'll learn.

She isn't doing that great in school, either. Jade barely passed half of her classes. Although she'd never admit it, I think it comes down to a bit of immaturity and her learning to do what her teachers ask, even if she doesn't agree. I really hope she pulls it together next semester. In addition to school, she'll need to balance a job and social life with her new-found freedom [turning 18 and hopefully getting a car].

And of course there is good stuff. I've really enjoyed shopping this Christmas! I had Jade write up a pretty detailed list as to clothes she wanted and I shopped mainly off of that. It is amazing how little you can get at these "fad" clothing stores for so much money. That's what she wanted though. So she got a ton of clothes and a bunch of other things. I'm sure I over did it, but I had fun.

I'm already planning for her 18th birthday, which is fast approaching. First I was thinking a surprise party. But then I thought about how off and on she is with friends and that she has a lot of them...a LOT. Plus I'd have to rent out a place and cater the rowdy bunch. Oh, and I'd be dealing with a bunch of teenagers and no guardians. So, um, no. Instead I decided to take her and a friend on a special bus trip and give her a giftcard to spend wherever. Although she probably won't want to take the trip until it gets warmer, it will be something for her to look forward to.

Jade is getting better with chores and following the rules. Sometimes she actually does the dishwasher on her own. It's rare, but happens. She still leaves stuff everywhere [aka, drinks and dirty plates], but I just move it to a higher place so the cats won't get them and let her deal with them in the morning. They won't magically carry themselves into the kitchen. The next step is to get her to help with dinner. Especially with all the running around I'm doing shuffling her here and there. I'm tired of fast food, but there isn't enough time for me to cook something between work and running out the door. Wish me luck. Heh.

She loves the cats and I don't know what she'd do without them. They are a constant source of entertainment. There is always a kitty somewhere that she can pick up and torture. It's cute. She acts like a kid with them and that's nice to see.

We had court recently and they changed her plan from "reunification" to Independent Living [IL]. Her next hearing is in 6 months. Her case transfer to IL will require a change of workers, which I'm not looking forward to. Since SW Rachel has been back, she's been really responsive and helpful. The IL SW [let's call her SW Lisa] I have been bouncing questions off of all along has been not been very helpful and she will likely be Jade's new worker. Soon we will sit down with SW Rachel and set up a sort of contract for Jade's eventual independence. The contract is a way to set goals and keep her responsible for her actions. If she wants to continue receiving help from DSS, she has to follow certain rules. I'm looking forward to it and setting concrete goals. Jade changes her mind way too often and needs some firm steering to stay on track. Having something on paper will be a great place to start.

The moral of this post:
Now I know if I'm going to keep fostering after Jade leaves, I should probably stick to teenagers. It's hard enough rushing around and trying to coordinate everything for an older teen—that I can't imagine doing it for a little one all on my own. While older kids need less coddling, they come with their own set of needs. However, if you forget to feed them, they can usually find food. That is a definite plus. Most younger foster children need to be taught to attach and be dependant on the adult. However, with older foster teens, the goal is to teach them independence and confidence so they can be a responsible adult. Right now, I am better equipped to do the latter. Also, I need to get back to the dating scene and it will be much easier with Jade than it would with a 5 year old at home—that's for sure!