The post I promised.

Better late than never! This was actually written about 2 weeks ago after a coworker totally pi$$ed me off. I'm over it now, but I just never got around to posting it...

What a different life this is. Not necessarily bad, just different. While it definitely has its bad moments, it has plenty of good ones. However, as science has proven, the brain remembers more bad than good. Go figure. And while would be perfectly lovely to use my blog to only share all the positive fostering moments coated in rainbows and unicorns...that just ain't happening. Sorry, but it comes more natural to post about the struggles of fostering. As with many other bloggers, I find writing about situations helps me work things out...and that is why I continue to blog. And aren't the struggles more interesting to read about then how awesome everything is? But I digress.'

Anyway, I know that a flaw I have is that I share too much. It runs in the family [eh, Norah?]. I open myself up despite knowing darn well I should just keep my mouth shut. Often as I'm saying too much, there's a little voice in my head saying, "shut up Crayon. shut up. shut up..." And I ignore it. I get hurt and then I swear I'll never share my personal life to certain people...and a few weeks later, I let my guard down and out it comes. To the same people. Haven't we learned this lesson over and over?! Yup. Such is the story with my coworkers. So much political crap and back stabbing and people who just think their way, their opinion, is the only way.

I know I'm not the only one who deals with this. Especially all the other foster and adoptive parents out there. "Well-meaning" coworkers and friends always seem to have the perfect solution to allll our problems. They just don't get it. It is even more annoying when the "advice" is unsolicited and coming from someone that knows absolutely nothing about parenting. However, sometimes without realizing it, I open myself up to this advice by sharing too much. For instance, the last few weeks have been rough. Jade has been testing me and I've been exhausted. Add to the mix the mix her winter break from school [ = her laying around all day]; holiday bills; the holidays in general; frustrations at work; running around all. the. time. for dr appointment after dr appointment; and me realizing I've been eating more [therefore gaining weight], sleeping more, stressing more and feeling easily overwhelmed. So yes, I've had the need to go off on a rant from time to time. My sister, Norah, is always quick to lend a compassionate ear. My mom listens, but it's not the same. My therapist, of course. And finally, a coworker who I consider a friend outside of work and a close ally. She has older children and I often ask for advice about disciplining and such.

Well today, I just wanted to vent. I sent an email to Norah and this coworker, ranting about something I noticed with Jade. I didn't ask any questions, or seek advice...I just let out how I felt. I expected some compassion from this coworker. Instead, her response was kind of harsh, questioning why I was annoyed and telling me "welcome to the land of teenagers." Um, really? I think I've already been "welcomed." I may not have nearly a decade under my belt, but I've been living in the world of a teenager for 5 months [to the day! btw, happy 5 month anniversary to me. lol]. I entered the world a while ago. Anyway, she obviously took something I said personally. She related it back to when she was Jade's age and took offense. Then she acted like she never responded to her child the way I just said I did to Jade...making me feel like the bad guy. She totally denied she ever had this particular response to my similar scenario, even though a few months ago...she did the exact same thing! She had even told me, then, that she had done it before. Don't play the "high and mighty card" with me. I'm not buying it. Her solution? "Just ask Jade about it. Talk to her." She couldn't comprehend that I can't just sit down and talk to Jade about something private going on in her life like she can with her own teenager. Really? You really can't understand why I don't have the same relationship with my foster child that you have with your biological child that has lived with you since you brought them home from the hospital? I'm sorry, but MY situation is different. Fine, give me advice. I've asked for it before, so assume I want it. I'll take the heat for that. But don't be so quick to judge me and then try to make me feel like you are better than me. I do not have the history with my foster daughter that she has with her child. I told her there are other things that she does not know about that led me to my response. I didn't want this to turn into a big argument. She can be pretty headstrong about things. I kept my response concise, close-ended and finished with "thanks for your advice, but we are going to have to agree to disagree." She still went on to try and prove her point. I didn't bite. Ugh.

Moral of this story? Keep to myself! Which I know will never happen. lol.