Where to begin...?

[Note: a slightly more in-depth version of this post is over at Crayon's private cHaOS, if you normally frequent there].*

Wow! Sorry guys, I didn't realize it has been so long since my last post. Things have been, well, chaotic around here. Ha. I started my blog to document my foster care journey and as soon as I have a foster child, I drop of the face of the earth. I don't know how you all do it...especially those with littles. Part of it is probably that I spend the entire day at work on the computer and my class involves the computer so the last thing I want to do come home and spend time on, well, the computer. Ok, so I do FB, but that involves minimal effort and allows for my short attention span. hehe. I've been enjoying reading everyone's blogs, mainly through my G00gle Reader. Just cuz I haven't commented, doesn't mean I'm not reading...I'm still out there. That said, I apologize that this is all over the place, but so much has gone on in the last 3 months...not sure where to start or begin.

So, as I said...lots going on. Jade is doing well, she is still going to college and is supposedly doing better this semester. She still doesn't have a car or a job, although she is working on both. She's applied for a few jobs but hasn't gotten any leads. I'd prefer she gets the car before the job to save me an extra transportation headache, but I'll deal.

The first half of the Spring semester was a transportation migraine. Jade got a new worker, I'll call her SW Rita [no, she didn't end up with SW Lisa, but Lisa still plays a role], once her plan changed to IL [Independent Living]. SW Rita decided I didn't need assistance getting her to and from school and completely cut me off...with NO notice. I was scrambling for a couple of weeks and SW Rita offered no reasonable solution. She couldn't explain why Jade qualified for the assistance a month before, but now was on her own. I had so many questions about this new world called Independent Living. The rules were completely changed on me and SW Rita refused to answer my questions. I'd send her multiple emails [because she didn't answer the first one, and then didn't answer the second one and so on and so forth] and finally get an email back and it would be a two sentence response. I was struggling to balance work, school, parenting, dealing with DSS and then trying to figure out how to get her back and forth on a daily basis. It was a total unnecessary stress that could have been avoided if SW Rita told me in advance that she wouldn't be helping me. I was ready to go to the head of HR and offered her one more chance to make this all right. I asked her to come out and meet with me since she was apparently overwhelmed by written communication.

Around the same time, Jade was turning 18 and had some TOUGH questions about rules that I couldn't answer. It wasn't clear if I had the authority to make the decisions or if it was DSS that had the say-so once she turned 18. We got into multiple arguments. She kept throwing the same questions at me and demanding answers...answers I didn't have. I was so overwhelmed and couldn't wait for the meeting with SW Rita & SW Lisa. After we discussed things privately, we brought Jade into the conversation. The answers to her questions were presented to her, making it clear that we were now all on the same page. This helped me since Jade didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I felt better after the meeting since some things were clearer, but there was still so much gray area.

Fast forward a few weeks later and I'm still having issues with SW Rita. She is a little better in some aspects, but in others she hasn't changed. She's sneaky and a bit of a biotch. Like when she screwed up a reimbursement check because she "felt" I shouldn't be reimbursed for part of it. I was fuming. Again, gray area. What are the rules? Give me black and white. I decided I wasn't going through this again so I told her outright that I was angry with her because I thought we had decided to be open about communication. She withheld information and didn't inform me of a decision that could have affected future reimbursements. After I argued it, she decided to go ahead and reimburse me the money she was holding back, "but just this time." It was sneaky. She was just trying to show her power. Whatever. I found a solution to our transportation problem. It's a unique solution, so I can't go into the details. What I can tell you that it's a bit messed up, lol. But it works so I'm going with it.

In addition to the transportation woes, I've been having trouble getting Jade to do her chores. I don't ask much of her but she apparently thinks I'm asking too much of her and that she can't have a life and she's overwhelmed and so on and so forth. I totaled up her chores and they shouldn't take her more than 45min to an hour a week total to complete. Considering how much she gets for chores, she's making a pretty nice hourly rate. Regardless, she thinks it's unfair and I don't want it held against me...so I talked to SW Rita about it. They already had a visit scheduled and so it was discussed then. SW Rita was on my side about it and didn't think I was asking too much. They came up with a solution, but I'm still waiting for Jade to slow down for a minute to sit down and discuss what they came up with. The last two weeks have been crazy and we haven't had much time to talk. Chores have been piling up since before the weekend. But by the time I get home from work, I haven't seen her all day. Last thing I want to do is start an argument about chores. The girl loves to argue and I HATE confrontation...so I try to avoid it at all cost. I know, avoiding her isn't the best way to deal with it, but I'm up to my eyeballs right now so I'm trying not to let the chore thing get to me. That's where I'm at right now until we sit down and discuss this proposed solution.

Besides all that, work has been insanely busy. I just can't get everything done that has to be done. There are so many interruptions throughout my day. I can't get my work done if I can't concentrate. Jobs are slipping through the cracks but I'm not superwoman so I'm doing by best. Trying to to let it over stress me. Then there's school. I did really good the first half of the semester. It was a piece of cake. But the second semester we are learning something much more complicated and I'm so lost and afraid I'm falling behind. I don't have time to do the reading or the exercises at home...so I'm just winging it. So far it's working but I have to find time to do a major assignment this week and I'm not sure when that is going to happen. I'm a little scared that I don't know what the heck I'm doing, so I keep putting it off.

Then, there's the Foster Parent Association [FPA]. I've been missing meetings because of a conflict with my schedule. It's killing me. I miss talking to other foster parents and connecting. I keep in contact with some of them through FB, but it's not the same. So I was feeling guilty [I know, something is wrong with me] for not attending the meetings, and I volunteered to help out with this new project the FPA came up with. I volunteered to take on one of the said-projects. It turned out to be chaos because of a diva foster mom who failed to understand that she was benefiting from a major donation. I just found out tonite that she caused further damage by something she requested regarding the said-project that I didn't know about. So now the donor feels taken advantage of and I feel like I did something wrong because I didn't know...and so the FPA has to flip the bill. No good deed goes unpunished, right?

Oh, and then I started a weight loss program at the urging of my sister Norah and my mom. I had already lost a few pounds before I started thanks to an adjustment with my thyroid medicine and a new ADD med. I decided to do it anyway, anticipating having to don a bathing suit for my summer vacation. I've managed to lose a little I started, which is great and all, but it's not cheap and requires a weekly commitment. It's an added burden and I'm already stretched so thin. I might continue another month and just try to implement what I learned into my daily diet.

And back to Jade...she registered for school through next fall, so I have a feeling she will likely be living here at least through the end of the year. We had talked about the next step as being transitional IL housing, but lovely SW Rita has deterred her from that telling her it would be a step backwards. If she doesn't go into transitional housing as a stepping stone, she'll probably be with me much longer since apartments are expensive and on-campus housing requires her to be in a 4-year college. Ugh. I know, I signed up for this for the long haul. I just didn't expect to end up with a young adult. The house is child-proofed, for goodness sakes! Once Jade leaves, I think I'll take a break and just do respite. I could use a little less stress...

So you wanted an update...that's where I'm at! Hope this answers some questions. If not, ask away...I'll try to respond in a timely manner. ;) I have updates on Cori and Faith too, but it'll have to wait for another post. Sorry. =P

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