Has it really been a year?

[Note: if you read my private blog, a more detailed post can be found over there*]

Wow! Time has flown. I apologize for neglecting this blog. The irony is, I felt I had nothing to offer when I was blogging without a placement, and I felt out of touch with the other foster moms. Now that Jade is here, I haven’t had interest in blogging. Some of it is because I’m busy, but part of it is because I’m living it…so why relive it in a blog? lol. There are a few other things I’m totally neglecting. Some, I expected to fizzle, but I’m still sad about it. I’ll talk more about this in another post. I started typing it up, but it’s becoming quite long!

I think things are going well. Believe it or not, it has almost been a full year since Jade first came to live with me. A year! That means I’ve had her with me through every season and every holiday…feels like a milestone for me. It’s like: “I made it! I did it! I survived!” Because honestly, it can be quite a challenge to have an older teen live with you when you’ve been alone for the last several years. She’s not a little kid, but she’s not a roommate either…it’s different. I had to adapt to another body in the house, someone coming and going, even sharing. It was weird. Sometimes it still is. But it’s almost been a YEAR! Any suggestions for a little way to celebrate? Not sure what I should make of the anniversary...plus she's 18.

One of the things Jade taught me about myself is that I can adapt. I was always worried that if I ever finally found that guy, I wouldn’t be able to handle the changes. That I wouldn’t be able to adapt to sharing everything and dealing with someone else’s quirks after being on my own for so long. You get set in your ways. It’s hard to describe unless you’ve been single and on your own for a while. You can come and go as you please, everything in the house is yours, you leave something in one place and it’s there when you return, if you don’t do something…it doesn’t get done. Anyway, Jade has shown me that I can deal with living with someone else, although frustrating at times, it is entirely possible. Ha.

Since I last blogged, I finished my spring class and got an A! Yay! Jade did much better in her spring classes…really brought up her grades from last semester. She’s continuing with classes this summer and has registered for the fall. After much searching, Jade landed a job! She starts next week...we're both excited. :)

The other news is that she got a car! That girl had some pretty specific parameters, but she finally found one in her price range. The car is totally her responsibility and I think it will be a good step towards independence. I made it clear that any repairs/maintenance/gas/insurance comes out of her pocket. She was able to purchase the [used] car outright, using money “leftover” money from the educational funds and grants she had saved up since the fall. It was a good chunk of money she was able to pocket after her tuition was paid. It’s only been a few weeks, but it’s been a huge burden off my shoulders. I was concerned that she’d get a bite of freedom and take advantage. I’m glad she’s being responsible. While she disappears for most of the weekend [during the summer, anyway], she keeps in contact and tells me where she’s at and where she’s going. She might go from one friend’s house to another, but I know where she’s spending the night. That’s big for her because she was very resistant to telling me what she was up to when she first came to me. She didn’t understand why she had to tell me where she was going and felt like I was invading her privacy. With all these missing teens in the news lately, hopefully I’ve gotten through to her.

Another good thing is the crazy volume of doctor appointments have subsided, and besides…she’s 18 AND can drive herself now! I don’t have to worry about getting her to school or late night calls to pick her up from a friend’s. All in all…this is a good thing.

However, all of this means some BIG changes for her come the fall. She’s going to have to juggle four classes, a new job, cost/responsibility of a car, a social life, a boyfriend and she still needs to do her chores. I do want to talk to her social worker and make sure that the household responsibilities make it into her updated “contract.” I know she’ll be taking on more, but, that’s how life is. As you get older, you are expected to do more. When she moves out, she’ll be expected to take care of her chores too, so I’m going to stand firm on this. She’s tried to push back before, but I’m not letting her slide. Besides, for a few basic chores, she earns a decent allowance each week and I still pay for all her food and clothes and toiletries and much of her recreation.

Looking forward, I’m trying to enjoy this time I have to help guide her. It’s tough. It’s not easy to instill values and set rules for a new-to-you 18 year old. She’s not a little kid and she’s not really an adult, yet she’s my responsibility. She doesn’t always understand my reasoning for things and I don’t always understand hers. We do butt heads..and by now you all know I detest conflict. I’ll do anything to avoid it, so that’s been a real challenge of mine. I can’t always be Jade’s friend and that’s hard because I’m not really her parent either. Her parents are in her life, one much more than the other, but they are there. They just don’t want to take responsibility. So here I am, trying to share as much wisdom as I can to a teen [who of course thinks they know it all] in the short time I have her. It’s a delicate thing. She came to me with her own beliefs and views and values and I have to respect that. If I had her placed at a younger age, some things I could have nipped in the bud early on…but, this isn’t the case. Old habits are hard to break. I have noticed some of the things I do, she’s picked up on...most are little things, but some are big. It’s a subtle thing, but it makes me happy to see that she sees something positive I do, and copies it on her own. Gives me some hope, lol.

Oh, and speaking of hope…right now, Cori could use some prayers. She turned 18 and graduated high school. As I feared, everything that could go wrong did. As soon as she graduated [by a hair], they sent her home. After years of hospitalizations, RTCs, group homes….they just send her home. Darn magic number. A few weeks home and things unraveled. Then she was "stabilized" and it appears to all be unraveling yet again. I’m hoping some of the things happening are just ploys for attention. I really am worried for her. I don’t know how she’s going to make it. She’s 18 and an adult as far as the law and she is concerned…but she’s really not. Emotionally, she’s like a 6 year old. She has to be supervised. I’m so afraid she’s going to end up pregnant and in an abusive relationship or hooked on drugs or in jail for something impulsive she did. It’s only a matter of time.

On the other hand Faith seems to be doing really well. She’s actually still in Jobc0rps, I totally thought she’d drop out. However, she’s sticking with the program. She’s been talking more positive and overall just seems happier. I’m praying she finishes JobC0rps and gets her GED…it’s the only way she’s going to get a fresh start.

I’ve been hanging in there. I’m registered for a class in the fall…finally at the halfway point for my Master’s!! Only gonna take me another 5 years to complete…haha. As for the potential boyfriend…it didn’t work out. He was totally into me, but I wasn’t feeling anything for him. I could make it work, but I know I can do better! So I called it off. Now that was hard. I was hoping another prospective match would work out, but that plan got derailed so I don’t know if it will ever happen. Work is, well, work. I'm lucky to have a job these days, but sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I’ve been active on our county’s Foster Parent Association [FPA] as well as the state FPA. It is just hard to make the meetings because of my schedule.

So, that’s it for now. Hopefully this will hold you over until my next post. Any questions??? I know it’s been a while…

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